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patteRns

 Last night, Bob and I were unhappy with one another.  Not a fight, per se, but one of those evenings where we were both getting on each other's nerves - likely due to the busyness of the house and the reno and him being an extrovert and me being an introvert.

He said, at one point, "fine.. whatever..  say what you want and apologize later.. it means nothing"

And I was livid.

I don't apologize later because I think I've done something wrong, I apologize because I love him and I want things to be peaceful.  But using it against me?  Acting like he's the victim?  That is so something I would have encountered as a child and I stopped fighting with him, assured him he could count on not having an apology from me ever again, and went to bed.

This morning, I'm still mad.  He's cranky - couldn't sleep and was up watching movies at 3 a.m. (so loudly I had to go in and ask him to turn it down) instead of apologizing and making it right.  He's tired and cranky and I think he needs to get his head on right.

We usually get on well, but sometimes he just gets under my skin and his selfishness rubs me the wrong way. He can be a little autistic - our interaction last night was around rules "just tell me if I should say something or not" - and I was pushing the point that he's 50 and I'm not his mom and there are no rules - only social convention and he should perhaps learn that.

Emotional labour.  Carrying the responsibility for all relationships.  It's a lot.

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