stabLe_hips

 The first three steps of any 12-step program are higher power related.  In my program, there's a general understanding that your HP (higher power) can be anything - except that every piece of literature and everything we read out loud says God.  Capital G, he/him.  So your higher power can be anything, but for the sake of the program and how we interpret it - it's God. This is challenging to someone at the end of their deconstruction journey.  Someone who has grappled with what capital-G, he/him God brings to the table - either on their own or through the interpretation of their people.  The unwaveringly fierce force that brought us Trump and nationalism and fascism and racism - and a bunch of other isms I'm not that fond of. And yet, through the program, a need to rely on that HP to help me become less crazy. So let's back this up.  It was the spring of 2023 and my husband started attending al-anon and within months had realized he may have a problem...

 In August I started going to al-anon.  It took a while for me to join - having been nudged repeatedly but being nervous in general about the God (capital G he/him) content while deconstructing my faith and rebuilding it.  I was assured over and over that your higher power could be anything but it still didn't feel like something I could do. But I went.  Met some people.  Bought a workbook.  Started reading.  Changed groups.  Met more people, bought another workbook, got a sponsor. I'm going to start writing about what I'm learning, but first - let me qualify. I've got several alcoholics in my life.  Four that impact me the most - the first, who I didn't know was one, and found out about two years ago when they got sober, and have been adjusting and learning ever since.  Another, who is older and sober, and is not always "working their program".  Another, who has abused alcohol and drugs for years and has turned our family inside ou...