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the season

 It's been almost a month - no sessions through christmas and a commitment, I suppose, to "get through the holidays".  We picked up a 7 week old foster puppy on the 6th of December, hosted Bob's brother for Christmas, the kids came down, and we began a kitchen renovation.  It's been a lot - with the normal every day of missed PSW visits, family drama, and work stress.

Over Christmas, I had a very important conversation that changed how I felt about a situation.  Some background:  just over a year ago, I sent my brother a funny meme, his gf saw it and cussed me out, I basically told my brother to control his woman, and we don't talk now.  It didn't really make sense to me, quite frankly, for a few reasons:

  1. My brother and I have very dark humour and the meme didn't even begin to be as offensive as usual
  2. Usually, you're not allowed to cuss out your significant other's family.  
  3. My brother didn't always allow some little control freak to wear his remaining testicle around her neck
Anyway, in speaking with my parents about this - they brought it up - apparently his gf was "looking for a reason to end this relationship" because I was still friends with my brother's ex-wife, and I was sharing confidential information with her that I shouldn't.  

I wasn't, by the way.  I wasn't even aware that there was confidential information to be shared.  What I said to my parents in that moment was "that's a lie, she just doesn't want me telling the truth". and when they went to argue it, I said "just think about who has anything to gain or lose here".

I may have also said "OH MY GOD!" in horror, and when my parents asked what was wrong, I said "I thought Jim only lost one of his balls to cancer, not both!" to which my father rolled his eyes and my mother pretended not to hear - but it was satisfying, none the less.

Anyway.  You'd think I'd be mad about this, but it brought closure.  It wasn't the meme, per se, which makes way more sense.  The way she attacked me in the text - and my relationship with Bob - now makes way more sense.  This is a child, who knows full well that I know she was sleeping with my brother while he was still sleeping with his wife, and she wants to pretend she's his soul mate when she's just like every other small town girl - trying to hook up with and keep a man with a job.  I feel sorry for my brother, actually, who is so caught up in things and sex that he's willing to not have a relationship with me, or his children.

One of the things I learned by reading "will i ever be good enough" is that once you understand a situation, you can feel for it.  I'm not mad anymore - or confused - just feel kinda sad that these people wanna live like that. 

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