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not cRazy

 Note:  Since our last post, Bob has increased his medication and is mostly back to being normal Bob.  And he apologized, but I've invited him to look for around-the-clock care if he feels I'm not doing enough.


Yay.  I'm not crazy.  This pain and this cough are not figments of my imagination but are pneumonia and broken ribs.  And not that I'm happy to have either but I feel like at least everything I felt was real.

It's not an easy gig, caregiver for spouse with MS.  The newest thing has been dealing with little or no notice for bowel movements.  Don't get me wrong, he's not pooping himself, it just comes on so fast that he's shitting on the floor before I can get him to the toilet.  It's not been my favourite.

So me, broken ribs, sitting on the floor, mopping up poop.. it's so not right.

And here's the layer of guilt:  do you put someone in a home for this?  Kinda?  But then, he's only 51 and the rest of the day he's okay and it feels ridiculous but I also struggle with doing this for him for another decade or so and I wonder how I'll ever heal.  


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