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secondaRy depRession

 Can you get secondary depression?  If so, I think I have it.

Bob's depression is worse these days - he's geting progressively worse, he is facing retirement, and he's losing what little autonomy he had.  It sucks, and I understand.  Bob has man-depression meaning that he's not sad, so much as crazy raging.  I dislike it very much.  

Last night, he was mad about my reaction to something and he lost his mind.  Hit the wall, called me names, and threw his catheter bag at me.  I'm not going to sit here and tell you I was not just as angry, but I didn't take it where he took it.  He told me to pack my bags and get the fuck out of his house.

Ugh, I'm on the mortgage too.

Not the argument. I know.

This isn't "him" - but as I stand in a hallway at 10 p.m. at night with urine being thrown at me, I wonder if I loved the real Bob enough to put up with this new Bob I'm facing.  I want to be one of those women who just help and serve and make it all better but I also do not want this life.

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