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the questions

 When I first explored a mental health leave, Bob was acting strangely - having periods of delusions and paranoia, and it was freaking me out to the point of wondering if I should remove his POA.  

And then his rage happened - sudden outbursts of anger that were unprovoked and surprising in their vehemence.  He's working through all of this with his neuropsychiatrist while I work through my grief and my depression with my psychotherapist.

And then last night - late - I was reminded of the thing that bothers me the most.  His selfishness.  He cannot abide one minute of discomfort no matter how many minutes of discomfort it would save me.  Last night he snored and snored and then got up at 4 claiming he was unable to sleep and demanded I put him in the sling and move him.  So I did, with some grumbling, to which he made his business case about having MS and his neck being uncomfortable.. and listen, I get it.  BUt this has been the third time during this trip he has interrupted my sleep for "princess and the pea" stuff - twice almost causing an accident i was so tired on the road.  

In all relationships, I suppose - there are two types.  The one who expects their partner to give up their sleep so that they can have a better one, or the one who gives up their sleep.  I'm the latter.  I never used to mind - until I had all the burden on me.  I was up several times last night to reposition him - even getting the sling at 4 a.m. - and then up with the dog after 7, did two walks, showered, had breakfast, and then got him up, toiletted, showered, and dressed.  It's hard.  I really want not to resent it, but sometimes i do.

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