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tRapped in a back Room

 One of the nice things about PSWs coming early, is being banished to the back room while they shower and dress Bob.  I can check my emails and - blog!  

Yesterday's most frivolous purchase was several back issues of "Geez Magazine".  I LOVED Geez - it's rebellious nature, it's envelop pushing, and it's true commitment to the message of Jesus as it tore through legalism.  I spent over one hundred dollars, but will get about a dozen back issues, two t-shirts and some pins.  This is why I work.

I wonder, sometimes, that if we had not stopped having sex 5 years ago if I would be this into my dog.  It's not sexual, but I do spend a lot of time making sure she's happy and exercised and mentally stimulated.  I wonder, if I was still acting as 'wife' and all that entails, if I'd have the energy or interest in pursuing dog sports and therapy certification with her.  I'm finding 4 dogs not a lot of trouble - knowing that two of them will not be here long, and that fosters come and go.  Not sure why this paragraph wanted to be written, but it did.

Something I've been working on with Bob is saying Thank You.  He doesn't do it anymore.  He argues, he shouts, he complains, he criticizes, but he doesn't say thank you. I no longer even care who I correct him in front of - I was saying something to him this morning and he interrupted me at least twice, got defensive, and was just overly grouchy.  I reminded him that I wake up early, set out his clothes, make sandwiches for him, and help his PSW dress him - and that I would have preferred thank you over his bad attitude.  And then left to come back into my quiet back room.

I feel a bit bad, correcting him - but I'm so tired of his negativity.  He used to be a positive, fun guy.  He used to always be appreciative.. but since his brain went funny he's not - and it's harder and harder to care for someone who is not who they used to be.  I miss him.

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